RECOVERY QUOTES THAT RESONATE

-


September is National Recovery Month and I wanted to take pause and reflect on some of the sayings that are often thrown around in recovery circles. Love them or loath them, some have stuck with me throughout my recovery and here is why...


"One day at a time" 


I am an alcoholic and addict in recovery, and I wake up every morning (after my first coffee) safe in the knowledge that if I choose, I have a daily reprieve from picking up a drink or a drug. I don’t have to stay sober for the next week, month or year… just for today. No more, no less. This simple but powerful slogan removes the somewhat overwhelming prospect of maintaining my sobriety for the rest of my life. But one day? I can do that!


This phrase also reminds me that I must focus on the present. I cannot control what has happened, or what may happen, but I can face today head on and on its own terms. 


Someone told me in my first week of recovery that if you hold on to the past with one hand, and keep trying to reach the future with the other, you have nothing left to hold onto the present with. This really resonated with me, as I was someone who was either ruminating about some imagined slight against me from the past, or fretting about a future that I have no control over, while the present moment eluded me. I could never just simply ‘be’ and certainly never took pleasure in the moment. I was much more concerned about where my next drink or drug was coming from so I could lose myself in oblivion. I now find it incredibly sad that all I wanted to do was escape from the moment.


Now, whenever I find myself drifting back to old thought patterns (ruminating on old resentments, worrying about something that hasn’t even happened yet), I remind myself t is ‘One Day at A Time’ and that the here and now is the only thing that really matters - and that to be present is a beautiful privilege. As with anything, bringing myself into the present moment when my mind wanders is something I have had to consciously practice, and is getting easier to do with time.  




"Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. 

That's why it's called the present"

 

Bill Keane



"Progress, not perfection"


How many of you have made a ‘mistake’ in your recovery? A slip in your early days? A relapse after 6 months sober, or after a year? Been unkind to someone? Lied to a loved one? 


Whatever the transgression, I am willing to bet money that you beat yourself around the head with a (hypothetical)  stick and felt like the worst person in the world. I know I have. More than once. Us addicts do like to think the worst of ourselves, and it’s not an easy nut to crack. 


Thing is, we are all human beings, and therefore inherently fallible. We will make mistakes along the way. We won’t always get it right the first (or even second) time. We often hold ourselves up to unattainable standards, and that shame we feel when we inevitably fail to uphold them? Our addiction will feed on it and provide us with a convenient reason to drink/use. ‘What's the point of even trying? I’ve failed and I will fail again. Just one drink will take the edge off…’ Spoiler. It won’t. 


I say this to people all the time - recovery is not a linear process. Neither is life. It’s all over the bloody place and we don’t always know what route our journey will decide to take - nor do we have any real control over it! There may be some unexpected detours and even some collisions. We like to think we are in control, but we have no idea where the road blocks are. 


We will find some paths easy to progress along, and may need a few tries at others. We may need to go back to the beginning and give it another go, but even if that is the case, progress has still been made. We will always know more than we did before, and can use the tools we have picked up along the way to arm ourselves for the next attempt. Every time we try again might be the last time. One day, it will stick and you will be further ahead than you have ever been before. 



"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today"


This is probably my number one. Acceptance has been profound in my recovery. Right from day one, finally being able to accept that I was an addict that needed help started me on my journey. It was terrifying and liberating all at once. 


When I was in active addiction, I needed to control everything around me. And I mean everything. If someone was late to meet me, I would take that as a personal slight against me; as a sign of disrespect that I would forever hold against them. If someone dared challenge my (often appalling) attitude, I would spend the next week ruminating on that person’s failings, rather than taking a moment to look at my own behaviour and how that might impact other people. 


I was a very angry and bitter person, and could give you a million and one reasons as to why, if you had my life, you would drink too. Sound familiar?


How freeing is it to simply take a deep breath and accept life as it is? How oddly empowering is it to finally be able to accept we are addicts and cannot control our drinking/behaviours? How beautiful is it to be able to accept help from others, and show vulnerability, instead of putting on armour and fighting against the world (and ourselves) every day? If nothing else, the constant fighting is exhausting. 



“Happiness can exist only in acceptance”


George Orwell



Today, if something doesn’t go my way, or if a person upsets me, I simply accept it and move on with my day. It’s not always easy (I am a recovering addict after all) but it does always work, and is far superior to the alternative. 



"What other people think of you is none of your business"


I, like many people, have always had a need to be liked. My opinion of myself was always nearly always based on external validation from others. I needed my partner to tell me I was pretty, my favourite teacher to tell me I was smart, my parents to tell me they were proud of me, etc. 


If I didn’t have these reassurances, I would convince myself that they thought the opposite to be true. I always seemed to know what everyone around me was thinking. And it was rarely good. Everything was always so back and white with me. 


Little did I know that I never had the ability to mind-read (who knew?), and that I was projecting my fears and feelings of inadequacy onto people and situations. Who knows what they were really thinking, but it was highly unlikely to be what I suspected, and really is none of my business! In the nicest possible way - I needed to get over myself and get on with my recovery. 


Now, I have a healthy want for people to like me - who doesn’t? We all want to be liked. But I can go through life knowing that I am living the best life I can, and focus on being accountable for my actions and my recovery.. But thankfully, now I also realise I cannot control what other people think of me (and nor would I want to).




"Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes"


Recovery requires action. It is not enough to simply rid ourselves of the substance or behaviour and then go back to the way things were and expect things to be different. They won’t be. Life doesn’t make any concessions for the fact we are in recovery. 


If we want to maintain sobriety and not be miserable, we may need to take a long look at what got us to this point, and be willing to make some changes to ourselves and our lives.

Whether we like to admit it or not, most of our problems are of our own making and change will only rectify them.


I knew some things needed to change when I got sober. Some were easy, like removing myself from social media, as it was detrimental to my mental health and long been a trigger of my insecurities. Some were harder. I have cut ties with a few friends I used to use with, and although they were less than impressed that I no longer wanted to indulge with them, not once have I regretted my decision. 




“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”


Leo Tolstoy




I learned how to say ‘no’. I learned that I liked going to bed at 10pm and getting up early. I learned that putting down boundaries is ok. I learned that I am an introvert by nature. I also learned that anyone who doesn’t support my sobriety probably isn’t someone I need in my life. 


But, as I have already mentioned, it is about making progress and these changes don’t happen overnight or without some setbacks.


I may have mastered a couple of the changes, but I am still dating emotionally unavailable men and eat way too much chocolate. One thing at a time!




Celeste is in recovery from addiction and is passionate about exploring ways we can be accountable for ourselves, while practising radical self-compassion. They have embraced the spiritual aspect of their recovery, and finds peace in simple pleasures. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT OF SOBRIETY THIS CHRISTMAS

-
Image
Another year has flown by, and it’s that time of year again! Christmas can be challenging at the best of times but being in recovery doesn’t have to suck the joy out of your seasonal celebrations. Even though I was firm in my decision not to drink and had 6 months solid sobriety under my belt, my first sober Christmas still required some preparation and navigation. And as I moved through the festive period, there were some unexpected things that cropped up. Interestingly, the main issue I had was that my family were more awkward about my sobriety than me! Every time my stepdad mentioned, or had a drink, my mum would apologise on his behalf. I could tell she wanted a glass of wine, but she was holding off to show solidarity. While this was a very sweet and appreciated gesture, I had to remind her on several occasions that I was happy with my decision not to drink and that she could relax and enjoy herself and her wine. I was quite content with my sparkling water, thank you very much! Ev...
Read more

LETTING GO OF EGO AND NURTURING HUMILITY

-
Image
Our ego is the sense of self that is constructed over a lifetime of experiences - our internal narrative, and one which is rarely based in reality. Many of us who have experienced trauma go through life playing the role of the victim, with our wounded ego reacting to most situations with anger, resentment and a further entrenched belief that we are ‘other than’ and separate from others.  The world and everyone in it is out to get us and everything is perceived as a personal attack on our existence. No one has suffered in this life quite like we have. ‘If you had my life, you would drink too.’ Sound familiar? We react by isolating ourselves as a way of self-preservation in an often hostile world, until one day we discover that magic elixir - our substance(s) or behaviours of choice - a way of quieting the pain of the wounded ego, and for many of us, an opportunity to at least appear functional.  We drink, smoke, inject, inhale and whatever else in response to difficult emotio...
Read more

WALKING ON EGGSHELLS - WITNESSING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

-
Image
This is one of the more difficult pieces I have chosen to write, but as I was pulling together content in preparation for National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and reading about other people's experiences, it became clear to me I had my own story to tell, and what better time than now? Not only because I am reflecting on a time when the world around me felt hostile and frightening, but also because I am still unable to fully reconcile the loving, affectionate father I doted on (and who doted on me in return) with the violent, unpredictable bully he sometimes turned into. I never knew which dad I would get, and I often found myself walking on eggshells, even when he was in a good mood, for fear of something setting him off. I never knew how long the good mood would last and so never took it for granted when this was the case. On a good day he was the best dad in the world. On a bad day he was terrifying. I loved, and still love my dad fiercely. But I also know that what he did...
Read more